It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
