Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
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