After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
