My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
