capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
