this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
