3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
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