I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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