So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize
