so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
