I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
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