if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I just want to make out with him forever
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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