screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
