My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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