Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
what day is it and did you see me today?
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
