I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Randomize
