Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
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