i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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