just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
