I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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