i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
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