Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
me + whiskey = a bad person
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
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