Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Randomize
