Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
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