I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
