I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
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