You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Randomize
