I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
tell me about the fingering
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