i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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