I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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