I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Randomize
