im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
