wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
