It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
