do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
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