when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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