I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Randomize
