just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
