I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
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