Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
