Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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