i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I wish my penis had an off switch
And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
