my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
