Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
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