It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Randomize
