she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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