Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
