She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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