I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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