Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize