Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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