My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
