I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
