we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
