I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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