goodnight i made you a song goodbye
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
