I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
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