Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Swine flu is the new snow day.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
