First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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