dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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