The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Randomize
