A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
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