I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
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