We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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