was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Randomize
