my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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