I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
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