why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
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